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e m P t Y

I've tried to write a letter. In ink
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The Story

The Date: Saturday, March 21, 2009 ( 9:40:00 PM )

This is my first post for the year and it is not about a thing that i am happy nor proud to post about.
Does everything happen for a reason? or is it because of a reason that it happen? why is things always going towards that negative side. WHY!?
Band camp ended today with a meeting that was very very long. why? because of the misunderstanding among us and the sec 3s. i have no other method to express myself but i feel that i must. so here it goes....
I wanted to talk about the SMS incident. on the 19march09, Thursday, unfortunately there was BAND. so I went. then apparently, the sec 3s were taking over the committee and the temporary comm, note that its TEMPORARY. okay, then well, worse thing was they wanted us to bring along uniform for the camp, which i strongly objected. THEY DID NOT ASK US. THEY TOLD US TO BRING. later, we found out that they did it to test us, which made us angry and all decided to not wear uniform. However, today, when we asked them, they said they were only joking. SO, anyway the main point is that, later part of Thursday band practice, we, ting, xue, mei and I was in the comm room when they(Mich. and LA) came in to ask us to clear the band room. however, we still DRAGGED and IGNORED THEM. oh, and i threw the all-mighty key-pouch to her when she asked for it, which they felt offended. haha.
Later that day, i sent a message to Michelle asking if she is angry. to be exact, this is the message. " Are you angry? cos i am asking why need uniform and didn't mean to ignore you just now." I WANTED TO APOLOGISE. AS A SENIOR, I FELT THAT I WAS AT FAULT THAT I TREATED MY JUNIOR THAT WAY. I MEANT WHAT I SAID. then amazingly, she showed the message to not just the whole TEMPORARY committee and also Lynette i think and said that I was so insincere and that "so FAKE!!!!!!!!" what the hell. i know cause you are all these kind of person always so cunning thus you find it difficult to trust people or because you are such a "real" person, thus when a person is sincere, you being always not, think that all are THE SAME AS YOU. FAKE.
Anyway, I only knew it today. They even complained to Lynette that I in particular 'fought' with them about the uniform thing. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!! WHEN WE ASK YOU GUYS TO TALK YOU GUYS DIDN'T SO FROM NOW ON, YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS TO COMPLAIN ABOUT US. WE GAVE YOU THE CHANCE AND YOU DIDN'T WANT IT. STOP BEHAVING LIKE A COWARD. ONLY A COWARD TALKS BEHIND OTHERS BACK. STOP. WAKE UP.
I am angry, i admit. Why should i stand the attitude that you give me the whole day? You mean if you give me the "black" face for nothing, i should return you with a smile? what is this? I have to give in to you? We know that the uniform incident is partially our fault but you mean you are NOT AT FAULT AT ALL? It has been 3 years. i am not going to say please this time. STOP GIVING ME THE ATTITUDE.
Then the power statement, do we still have power? Let me clarify, I DIDN'T SCOLD LA. SO STOP SAYING I DID. NEITHER DID THE OTHER RACHAEL.. So, let me say, i hope you realise that we are still the leaders of the band even we are not, we still are the most senior people of the band. YOU are still our juniors. so, we do have the not say power but rather in a sense the ability to scold or punish you maybe not in the instrument playing techniques but could also be in experiences.
We are all disappointed in most of your performances. People that we thought that have great potential have greatly and strangely enough prove us wrong. I sure have a problem in judging people. oh, I do remember someone saying before that being a temp. band major isn't a big deal, that this did not give one the right to shout at others. i do. i wonder.
great disappointment. that would be what i would use to describe some of your performances if i have to describe them in less then seven words. however, i do understand, it is only your first try. so, i don't know. what? maybe you are still green horns in this. Is that an excuse which is valid enough?